|Gossip Communist Archives|
Knick Knack Paddy Whack,
Hello once again, faithful SJ.comers. I bet you thought you'd heard the last of me, didn't you? It just so happens that I took a long vacation. Well, not by choice. Let me just give you all a piece of advice; if you ever get the chance to travel to Australia, please do, but tread lightly on the subject of beer. I made the mistake of calling their beloved Foster's a "giant mug of frothy antelope piss." (Fawstah's. Austrahlyan fah piss.) It wasn't pretty. Long story short, I finally managed to gnaw through my restraints and return to my Land of the Free. God bless you, America.
Now let's discuss the recent gossip surrounding Stephan, because I need something to take my mind off the pain which comes every time I see a commercial for the Crocodile Hunter.
Reports from fans and critics alike about the current tour have been nothing short of exceptional, and the band's joy joy when it comes their joy seems to be at an all-time high. I heard Brad is having a good time, causing all kinds of rowdy chaos in the long midnight hours. Hook a sistah up, I want to party with him.
This next bit is old news for everyone, but remember - my best friends for the past half year have been dingoes. Stephan has found love with tour mate Vanessa Carlton. Rumors started swirling like the water in a toilet bowl when gossip mags (those disgraceful things) reported that teetering-on-the-edge-of 38 year old Stephan gave just-turned 22 Vanessa an authentic made-famous-by-JT-Leroy raccoon penis bone necklace and she thanked him with a blanket of kisses. Of course everyone knew there was something more going on between them when she didn't slap his face for being a dirty pervert (come on, why else would you give someone raccoon schlong?).
This rumor has since been confirmed, and I can only wish the happy new couple the best of luck and success. I think Vanessa is pretty and talented, and fuck, anyone who can fall into the sky is cool with me. I'm just cringing at the thought of her calling him 'Daddy.' Toot toot, everyone get on the creepy train! I wonder if Van realizes she's dating a guy who was around when "Paint It Black" was first released. Their age difference is that of the average Third Eye Blind fan. Steve-o, you're luckier than a leprechaun! Treat her well.
Speaking of treating well, what does it take for us to get this album? I guess Stephan would rather play kissy-face with his hot young thang than finish the album for his devoted fans. It's getting a little more than ridiculous when the release date changes more frequently than Diana Ross's clothes in concert. Therefore, I will make this proclamation: I, Commie, hereby volunteer to embarrass and degrade myself by standing atop the Empire State Building and shouting to everyone that "STEPHAN IS MY DADDY" if that will get SJ to pick up the pen and write some darn lyrics.
Will Make Ass of Myself for Album.
Opinions expressed in the GOSSIP column do not necessarily reflect those opinions of Jen and SJ.com.
Stick It To Us Gently...
With Stephan's recent email to Jen
(my personal goddess, and she
knows it), there has been much
Unfortunately, now it's too late to
release a DVD with that footage, considering the drastic change in all
My advice for Stephan and the gang?
Release the album in July and go on tour (this may be a good time to
And the Studio Name Is...
With the Tech TV
interview and studio unveiling still fresh in our minds (well, those
of us who receive the obscure channel), many of us are still left
wondering... "Just what in the hell is a teen fantasy?" Well, you tell
She and her new beau
spent the day cuddling - her hand up his butt. (Get your panties out
of a wad - it's a puppet. You know, you have to put your hand in...
I Like Big Butts and I Cannot Lie!
With Stephan venturing to Paris for "inspiration," one can only wonder what his real motives were for ditching his bandmates in exchange for indulgence of cheese, wine, and the occasional loaf of crusty bread.
He arrived right in time for "Fashion
Week," AKA "Look At Our Pallid Models Parade Their Bony Asses Around
In Circles While Clad In The Ugliest Yet Most Expensive Clothes You
Will Never See Worn By Actual People In Real Life."
What's Next, Porn?
With a wee bit part in last year's Rock Star,
another movie, "Angelic Tuesday" in production, and a guest spot on last week's
"The Chris Isaak Show," it looks like Stephan has finally squeezed his way into
that elite group of singers-slash-actors; Jon Bon Jovi, Aaliyah, Madonna...
PS: From Rock Star to Cock Star!
That is a joke. No album, still.
I know you were
all disappointed to hear that 3eb canceled their appearance at the
benefit concert a few weeks ago, thus demolishing an entire night of
fund raising. Not that anyone's pointing any fingers... but
It seems that
they all had previously made plans for that night, which had all
vanished completely from their minds until two nights before the show.
Brad had signed up for an ancient African tribal drum beating seminar
in Zimbabwe. He had already purchased his plane ticket and buffalo
skin chaps, and he wouldn't have been able to get his deposit back. He
said it was a learning experience, especially because he learned he
was allergic to the tribal war paint that adorned his face. But the
rash has finally subsided, and he's
Stephan's looking a little skinny these days. How
skinny? Let's just say he went trick-or-treating on
Halloween, and people mistook him for Calista
Flockhart, Stickfigure Extraordinaire. "We love you,
Much to MY surprise, a fan in San Francisco named Daniel informed me
that he sat next to Stephan this past Saturday night at the Maya Restaurant.
The good news is that Stephan WAS EATING! HipHipHurray! Unfortunately,
Stephan did leave quite a bit on his plate that went to waste. Steph,
didn't your momma teach you that there are STARVING CHILDREN IN AFRICA?!
Hell, maybe even Char told you since like SHE SAW FIRST HAND. Don't make
me resort to using your fork as an airplane coming towards your mouth!
Hey Steve-o, maybe next year's show could be called
Nothing gossip-worthy on the 3eb front this week,
which is probably the way it will be for a while... unless one of the
guys is caught harassing small schoolchildren in a yellow duck suit with the ass cut out...
"PUPPIES AND CANDY AWAIT ALL WHO FOLLOW ME TO MY POND!" Hmm. Nice mental image.
But, until that happens, you're stuck with this:
"But Commie," you may
say, "I haven't seen any of these shows!" Well then, you probably live on the East Coast, where they have
not played a concert since March. There are many good arguments as to why this is, the main reason being
they live all the way on the other side of the country. Can't they take off a week from
recording just to please their loyal, die-hard, faithful (and many other synonyms for devoted fans
3,000 miles away)? It wouldn't bother me half as much if they played radio shows, or similar concerts
in which other musicians would also be performing, where the audience would be of a kind that are
appreciative of their sweaty efforts. But unfortunately, that is not the way it is.
And this wasn't that funny, but I
just wanted to make a point. And now you may pelt me with bricks.
10/7/01 HEYYYYYY WILBURRRRRRR!
So, it's been rumored that Stephan's new chicklet is Amanda De Cadenet, who was seen with him at his birthday bash a couple of weeks ago. If this name sounds familiar to you, which it probably doesn't, it's because Miss De Cadenet was married to one-time Duran Duran bassist, John Taylor, and more recently linked to Keanu Reeves say it with me now... Keeeaaaahhhhnuuu. Plus, In 1993 I think it was, she went to the Oscars with Courtney Love and they were a lil...yanno....friendly friendly with each other - wore tiaras and stuff.
She looks like a cross between Jeri Ryan, Rebecca
Romijn-Stamos, and Courtney Love. Pudgy Courtney.
It's not known for sure whether or not Amanda is actually hot and heavy with our boy, but I can certainly understand if she was. Stephan's revealed his love for curves, and this girl's got 'em (actually, they look more like U-Turns, but if that's the way Stephan likes to get down, I'm not one to judge). And she's got that Mick Jagger/Steven Tyler mouth going on...
No offense to Miss De Cadenet, who also has a daughter named after the capital of Georgia (who in their right mind would name their child after a city? Honestly. Spice Girls excluded, for obvious reasons), but any woman who comes after Charlize is such a step down, Stephan might tear a hamstring. Or maybe that's just the jealousy talking.
Oh well. I read at IMDb that she was a photographer for a little bit... yeah, she took pictures of naked women. A respectable career. So...she's got a thing for rock stars, a mediocre movie career (some of her characters: "English Prisoner," "Receptionist #2," and my personal favorite -- "Hooker #2")... not to mention she's British. That probably says some things right there.
Stephan, baby. I've got a few words of advice for you. "Walk on baby, walk on."
Rash and itching should be taken very seriously. Consult your doctor. xoxo G.C.
Your Momma! Archives
Arion is so fi-on fightin' the bad guys!
Word on the streets is that Arion has a small cameo appearance in the Matrix 2, which is currently being filmed in Oakland, CA. We're anxious to hear about Arion kickin' some Agent booty. Arion's so nice he'd probably kick an Agent's ass then spend the next hour bandaging them. Meanwhile, the director's yelling "CUT! CUT! That's not in the script!"
Hey, Arion, drop me a line, sweetie. Oh and give Keanu a big sugar for me - but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't invite his band to play with 3eb. Trust me!
If any of you kids have any gossip for me to look into, gimme a holla at email@example.com
~ Nobody loves ya more than Your Momma XOXO
I wish my hand was a cigarette...
thanks to DalvasWounded.com for this pic!
Well, howdy-doo there kids. I'm the newest contributor on this here site and my name is "Your Momma." Well, that's not my birth name or anything silly like that, but in order to give you the low down on 3eb I have to stay hidden amongst the fans, the pedestrians of 3eb music, lurking in the shadows on the lookout for scoop. So rise up and gimme a BIG welcome. Thanks! Now, on to the gossip!
Saturday night in Ferndale, MI at the "private show" (that our tips got so many of you into) Stephan was seen SMOKING American Stripe cigarettes. Cigarettes are EVIL! That's sure isn't gonna help that voice Mr. Jenkins!
Well, back to 3eb. Stephan announced to fans last night that 3eb will be "disappearing for a year" to go hide out and make new music. Now, is it just me or did this JUST happen during 1999? Talk about "Losing A(nother) Whole Year." That would just, well, SUCK. Haven't those boys ever heard of multi-tasking?
Oh and word is Stephan threw a temper tantrum at the Airport Marriot in Detroit last night when the folks in the hotel cafeteria couldn't make him a chicken quesadilla. So much for Cinco de Mayo spirit! You tell em, thephan!
So, I'll get back to work now but if any of you kids have any gossip for me to look into, gimme a holla at firstname.lastname@example.org
~ Nobody loves ya more than Your Momma XOXO
Thanks to Amy for the above lead.